Once in a while…

Once in a while, I take a break from myself – because, besides my happiness and my willing to stay freaking positive everytime life gives me a shitty moment (not the healthiest thing one can do, trust me on that),  myself if full of worries and demons. Yes, don’t put that face. Myself is too busy being there for everyone, anytime. And that is ok, yes, but sometimes is too much. You forget to be there for you too and when you’re not there for you, you can’t be there for others  – so you step away, slowly, then you wake up one day,  lost and broken, and there’s no one there for you – and that’s ok too because we are supposed to be enough for us, to be self-sufficient, they said.

Well…

Self-sufficient my ass – we need love and I’m not talking about that kind of love from a relationship but the one that makes us smile and stay confident. Like a cold beer, you know what I mean? Or could be a friend, the lady from the market, your trainer, a man holding the door for you, stuff like that, sorry, a love like that.  We need to be supported, no matter how silly or weird is our dream, our situation, our thing that moves us. Our ”that’s why I’m still here”, ”that’s why I’m still holding on”. Everyone feels different. We like different things, we believe in different things, we act in a different way – but that is not a reason to judge or to finger point. We can be united in differences.

So, what I mean is that we need to get busy for us, living. Work for that moment of glory by going out, kick ass. Life is not all glitters and sparkles, who says different, well, perhaps is f****ng trying to sell ya something. Don’t be afraid to accept your flaws and deal with them. Don’t cover them up in that crap called positivism and expect them to go away – it’s like wrapping a shit and expect to be the best present by putting a gift bow on top. Don’t be afraid to get a bit dirty – dirt is satisfaction, merit, engagement. Easy ain’t quality.

So don’t go with the flow, create waves.

 

 

 

 


 

o p t. p. m.

Am un tic, asta ca să îi zic cumva – înainte să ajung acasă, eu mai având încă o bucată bună de drum, încep să mă joc cu cheile. Probabil e nerăbdarea de a mă vedea în ceva lejer, de a încuia undeva  vocile acumulate de-a lungul zilei încapul meu.

Ajung acasă și, primul lucru, îmi scot picioarele din pantofi, ah, pășesc pe parchetul rece –  știi senzația aia, nu? Mă duc drept în baie – dau drumul la apa fierbinte. Respir.

Apuc totuși să dau play la ceva muzică – Nicolas Jaar, are nenea ăsta un fel de a cânta, bre… îmi pun un pahar de whiskey, nu de alta dar merge cu muzica, iar vinul am impresia că e depresiv în astfel de momente. Chestii marcă personală. Nu e o regulă.

În scurt timp, mi se umple de aburi

uitasem de apă.

Sub duș, simt eu, parcă ar fi o altă viață. În primele minute încerc să uit de tot, apoi, treptat, îmi reprogramez agenda – aia da, aia nu. Aia azi, cealaltă mâine. Jaar mă ascultă. Suntem doar noi și alte câteva milioane de gânduri în aer. 

Ies.

Mi-e bine

așa că pun de o salată – roșii cherry, brânză de vacă, nuci și salată verde. Pun și o bucată de somon pe grătarul încins. Parcă prinde viață bucătăria. Vecina e cu aspiratorul, superb. Un fel de efect special pentru muzica mea de fundal.

Nu-i bai.

Știi, sunt genul care are nevoie de spațiul și liniștea sa, de cele mai multe ori și mai ales în ultimul timp. Îmbătrânesc, zic eu. 

Mă pun să scriu…

doar eu, Jaar și Jack. 

Ne e bine.

w i l d s p i r i t

He said, you taste like hot, black coffee and fresh cranberries.
This is how I’ll remember you.

You’re wild and free, yet so grounded.
You’re the wild woman that undresses her mind, her soul, yes, because you know the worth of what you offer.

I love your complicated simple way to be. Your love that feel like wings above the ocean.
Your smile that hides so much what you’ve been through.
You’re little eyes and those tiny wrinkles whenever you smile.

I love that you stay faithful to yourself, that you don’t settle your wild spirit for material things and things built of structures, with rules and a bunch of stereotypes.
With you, you know, it’s kinda different.
You grow through and with your scars.
Those life tattoos.

You’re not afraid to love with that broken heart fixed with some tears, red wine and some cheap scotch tape.

I am

I am the crazy woman that will love you no matter what. The one that has tons of changes of humor.
I am the woman that have been hurt so many times but, even so, I don’t hurt back.
I am the woman who will text you a „take care” message.
The woman who will stand up for you.
I am the woman that you’ll say „damn, she’s crazy but I love her”.
The woman that will share her coffee with you.
I am the woman who runs wild, and wild is my kindness.
The woman that will dance with you when you’re sad.
I am the woman that you can’t buy.
The woman that feels free around nature, that feels the waves like sweet kisses.
I am the woman that sleeps under the clear sky.
That prays to the stars and God.

I am.

 

 

When beauty fades

what’s left must be very damn good to keep it all from falling apart. Our best seeds.
Believe in true beauty and the power of a loving smile because it can reveal the ultimate magic of life.
After all, what’s sex without a great conversation, being old without someone listening to your stories, sad without someone to cheer you up, afraid without someone to hold your hand. Young and without someone who really understands you. What’s love without compression…

When beauty fades, our heart stays.
Our soul. Our mind, our patience.
A quality conversation, a warm hug.
When beauty fades, life doesn’t.

Choose wisely. Choose with your heart.
Don’t judge. Learn to love.
To be loved. To love being in love and loved.
_______________________________
Live with me, Massive Attack🎵

 

 

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I’m like a w.i.l.d.f.l.o.w.e.r

I’m like a w.i.l.d.f.l.o.w.e.r

Trying to survive with nothing and to anything out there. And yes, perhaps I’m not like other flowers from your garden. With their colorful petals, so beautiful and loveable – almost perfects.
But I, I’m not that easy to catch.
People usually only see my thorns.
But I am more than that.

Strong on the outside, but fragile on the inside.
And I need love too.
I need to feel protection, not because I can’t protect myself, no.

I simply love that feeling.

I stand wide open,
spinning in circles like a tiny tornado, dancing with my pointed thorns in the wind,
breathing in the heavens of the earth.

Love,

you cannot hold me under the same dark roof you flourish in.
I am a wildflower.

I need the the sky, the sun, the air, the freedom.
The freedom to love. To love you as I am.
As I know. As you are.

As we feel.

I am a wildflower.
And in all flowers,
Wild or not,
There is hope. There is love.

And no matter where you came from, where you grow, how you look or what you’ve been through, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

 

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DAY • BY • DAY • VIBES

 

I always like to drink my coffee from big cups. It’s a cozy, comfy, powerful feeling that I have. I don’t know.
Sounds weird probably but, hey, this is me.

I love the fresh air in the morning and a long cold shower while I listen some good | loudly | music. Ha ha ha

I also start my day with a big ,,thank you”. Yeah…
I don’t have much and my health ain’t the best I’ve got, but I’m here.
I have the option to choose better.
To be better. To smile, give; to be and love unconditionally.
To create and recreate myself.

Take the day | every day| and make the best of it. As much as you can.

 

__________________________
Do you remember, Jerryd James 🎵

 

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